Week in Review

I had a rough week this week. Lucy was a spiral of crazy. My graduate stats final was due. Garth worked a hell week- Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I gained 4 pounds. Definitely from stress. Or, the extra margaritas I drank? Anyways. By the time the weekend rolled around, I wasn't ready for my other job. But, the ICU was waiting for me...

Here is my week. In review.

Monday: Big G started his work week. Lucy refused to wake up for school and screamed the whole way there. Awesome. I went to the gym and was punished for my weekend of breaking my diet.

Tuesday: G was home. But crabby from a long day/night at work. Helpful. The weather was great. I rode my bike to the gym. Had my ass burned in body pump and then, rode back home. We toured a 4k for Lucy. Lucy ran around like a banshie while I tried to convince the teacher that Lucy was a sweet, well behaved child. Of God. As if I hadn't had enough from my little banshie, I took her on a mommy/daughter walk to get ice cream. Yeah. Right. If Lucy was the ice cream cone. She melted. Into a hot mess. I was not embarrassed. At all.

Wednesday: G back at work. Me against the kids. Lucy got a great report from school. Now, go back and reread that last sentence and replace great with awful. Got it? Good.

Thursday: I ran like hell when my girlfriends invited me shopping and out to lunch (wine). An afternoon without temper tantrums, whining, or watching 'The View' in my pjs. Hell yes.

Friday: Lucy. Aw Lucy. That's all I really have to say. However, I did get to spend some time (drinking margaritas) with my friend Jen. Even though I (we) worked on the stats final I (we) had due the next day. I never procrastinate. Ever.

Saturday: My dutiful return to the ICU. Busy day. Achy legs and back. I did have a great surprise waiting for me at home. Garth bought me an iPad. The iPad I am currently blogging from. Love. It.

Sunday: Potluck at work. I made an egg bake. For those of you who don't know what an egg bake is. It's eggs. Baked. Very Wisconsin. While enjoying egg bake, banana bread, and fresh fruit, I sought advice from the women I work with about how to cope-deal-survive with Lucy. I received great advice on how to manage the shameful spiral with my little Tasmanian devil. Thanks Monica, for helping me feel like less of a lunatic with skittles for brains. After work, we had family night at my parents. Fun, back walk overs (don't ask) sarcasm, and wine was enjoyed. I received an awesome sewing package from my favorite aunt Darlene. Thank you! But, next time. Instead of sending me a pretty princess pattern for Lucy, could you please send a pattern for a straight jacket? Thanks.

Life

Sometimes life hands you lemons, and you make lemonade. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you like people. Sometimes you want to run them off the road with your car. While driving home from work tonight, I came across this bumper sticker.

"I hate people like you."

Yep. Sounds about right.

The Calm Before the Storm

Lucy dressed herself this morning. Let me break it down for you.

1 piece swim suit, with a tankini layered on top.
1 favorite navy blue skirt
1 colorful scarf, compliments of Aunt Cortney.
Flower headband
Yellow spongebob square pants backpack

She thinks she is all ready for the day. She is going to turn into a tornado when she finds out I'm not letting her leave the house like this. I'm willing to compromise. But. Really?

If you can't get a hold of me. I've built a tornado shelter and I'm in hiding.

The Lion(ess) and Her Mess

This is the aftermath of tonight's atomic bombing. Compliments of Lucy- the lion.

Lucy the Lion

The saying "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb" has new meaning in our house. Let me explain.

Spring has sprung. The frozen tundra has melted. Flowers are blooming. Birds are chirping. And, if you drive by my house you can hear the sweet sound of 3 1/2 year old temper tantrum. Yes. It is so sweet.

With spring comes open windows and the smell of freshly cut grass. Awwww. It also brings the pathetic stares of my neighbors, as they witness a diabolical melt down from my daughter.

It's true. She is like an atomic bomb. Everyone in a 50 feet radius is effected. The American Red Cross should send in re-enforcement and first aid.

She changes her clothes 100 times a day. Never happy with her (my) choice of ensemble. She takes toys from her little brother. Throws rocks at the neighbor boy. Who is much bigger, by the way. Her cries quickly turn into screams when she doesn't get her way. She slams her bedroom door- repeatedly.

This awful attitude is spilling over at school too. Today, Miss Deanna told me that she had to move Lucy's bus to the back. Whatever. This kid doesn't need to her bus moved. She needs a dose of her own medicine. Moving her bus. Please. Like that will teach her.

I'm loosing my mind. Maybe I should just close my windows so that the neighbors can't hear the screams. From both Lucy. And me.

I believe that a lion loose from the zoo would do less harm. I have hopes that a little lamb will appear where the lion (Lucy) once was.

I could always just cage my lion. Just like at the zoo. Huh.

Note to self. Google- lion cages.

Wish me luck.

peace and love,
mama

Funny Text Messages

Just a few (funny) conversations that I have had with different people- throughout the week.

Me: Did you start your stats paper yet?
Jen: No, r u done???
Me: No. Did one article and havent looked at the quiz yet. Maybe tonight?
Jen: Right there with you. Went to Kohls- 30% off coupon. Bought swimsuits for the kids. Got me ready for summer.
Me: Yeah. I think I will take the kids to the park. Stats=yuck.

Later in the day....

Jen: saw you called earlier, sorry. we were in by the guinea pigs.
Me: oh nothing, by the way. stats-1, me-0


Me: Have fun in Utah mom. Dont puke in Denver.
Mom: I forgot about puking in Denver. Fuck. I just drank a coffee.
Me: hahaha

My mom sent me this picture with this message attached.












Mom: Me. with lips. get used to it. shelf life- 18 months.

I had no response for this.

Disney on Ice

In an effort to avoid paying an obscene amount of money on airfare and tickets to Disney Hell (Land/World), Garth and I took Lucy to Disney on Ice.

I was able to dangle this blessed, glittery, princess event over Lucy's little (angelic?) head for a few days. But that bribery only worked about 1/2 the time. The other 1/2 of the time, Lucy- as stubborn as she is and as much of a push over that I am, still got her way. By that I mean, she still slept in our bed, wore her swimsuit in March, and had two pieces of LicLish (licorice for those who don't speak "Lucifer").

So, the day arrived. After hours (okay not hours) of trying to get Lucy to take a nap (in her room) we finally gave up, dressed up (Lucy dressed herself, of course) and headed to the wonderful (mini) world of Disney.

From the minute we walked into the Ice Arena, Lucy was in awe. I don't think her mouth closed for 3 hours. She was in her Disney Mecca. It was priceless. Okay not priceless. It was fucking expensive. Let me break it down for you.

3 tickets: $72.00
Princess Crown: $16
Ariel Necklace: $12
Blinking Disney Wand: $10
Snow Cone: $12

Lets review. Bad seats for $72. Plastic Crown (I think we had a few at home already) $16. Ariel necklace (made of tin) $12. By the way, this necklace only got stuck in her hair 100 times. Bright, blinding light $10. This light could make anybody with a seizure disorder completely loose it. Trust me. Finally. Ice and Food coloring (snow cone) $12. Yes. It was in a beautiful? Tinkerbell cup. But. It was snowing outside. I could have made a snow cone for free. Bull. Shit. All. Of. It.

All in all, Disney (Hell) Land could be cheaper. Maybe?

Lucy with her friends- Madelyn and Brayden. Oh. And. All of their Disney Loot.

Lucy and the Epileptic Blinking Light. Don't worry the headache was free, but the Tylenol was NOT provided.

The $12 ice and food coloring. Otherwise known as- the SNOW CONE.

This face made it all worth it. I think.

TV Remote?What?Where?

So after Hudson found me my baking whisk, I went looking for the TV remote and the missing tupperware (see post: Land of Hudson). I found the remote in my underwear drawer. And, the tupperware in the laundry shoot. Now, why didnt I think to look in those places in the first place? Thanks Hudson. Now can you show mommy how to fix the remote so that it will actually work with the TV? Great. Thanks. Love you.

#stillhavetogetuptochangethevolume

Strawberry Lemonade Cupcakes

Tired of being cold and snowed on, and inspired by Lucy's love of the color pink, I decided to try making Strawberry Lemonade Cupcakes. C'mon, lets enjoy a little piece of summer.

I cheated and used a cake mix. You see, the original recipe that made my mouth water (I found it in the cupcake book my little sister gave me for christmas) called for fresh strawberries. Now, since it is winter in the frozen tundra and strawberries are a little out of season I had to make a choice- homemade and fresh vs. easy cake mix. Obviously, I chose easy (think of it as a little something, something for my friend Eileen. She knows who she is and what I am talking about).

Since I wanted to make these for Lucy, I thought, why not let her just help. Here she is. Dressed to impress, ready to bake. When I close my eyes and think about what Martha Stewart looked like as a little girl, this is pretty much what I see.

Once those pink babies hit the oven, it was time to make a lemon cream cheese frosting. Sorry Eileen. This one is homemade. No store bought frosting here.

(1) 8oz package of cream cheese, softened to room temperature

1/2 cup of butter, softened to room temperature

3 cups, sifted, powdered sugar

3-4 tablespoons of lemonade concentrate, thawed to room temperature

mix all ingrediants until smooth

Any advice I can give, not like I am in any position to ever give baking advice, but- is to use an electric mixer anytime you make frosting. It helps to ensure smooth, creamy frosting- everytime. Trust me.

Fresh out of the oven, here is a the little pink baby- ready to be frosted.

Frosted.

Decorated with a daisy.

Or a few daisies

Lucy loved these little pink darlings. I tried one too. And I have to say, "Eileen, the cake mix isnt bad."

Anyways, this sweet and tangy treat plucked me out of the cold and into the sun. Worth it. Every last calorie.

Wisconsin

A spring snow storm. Beautiful. Cold. But Beautiful.

Disney Cruise

After seeing a commercial for the Disney Cruise Line, My mom asked Lucy if she wanted to go on a Disney Cruise. Having never been on a cruise, I asked, laughing, "what do you do with kids on a cruise? Put a leash on them so they don't fall over board?" My mom, of all people, replied with- "no, those parents actually watch their kids."

Guess a cruise is out the question. Sorry Lucy. We will just have to meet Ariel some other way. We might have to walk through those terrible gates of DisneyLAND. Great. Thanks for helping mom.

Sewing 101

After Lucy asked me to make her a Witch Costume, I went onto Amazon.com and ordered a sewing machine. If my Lucy wants a mom who can do anything, well, damn it, that is what she is going to get. Here, my friends, is sewing 101.

Sewing Machine: $16.99 (thanks to all the Amazon points I racked up ordering ridiculous Chelsea Handler books on my Kindle)

1 little girl dress pattern: $2.99 Jo Anne Fabrics

Loud, Obnoxious, Pink, Heart print fabric (right up Lucy's alley on fashion taste): $3 clearance

My Grandmother's sewing box, complete with no actual sewing tools, just my mom's kitch. thanks mom: priceless

look closely, pink, retro 70's sewing box. awesome

Scissors, blunt- in need of better blades: free, since I stole them from my mom.

dad sharpening my "free" scissors. unsure about the weird ghost in the picture. thanks dad.

Afternoon of bonding with my mom- a glass of wine included: priceless. In fact, I laughed so hard, only Stoli (my mom's dog) could hear me. Yes. Her dog is named after her favorite vodka. I know. Really.

wine.

fun.

So in all seriousness, my mom did give me a few pointers on making dresses and costumes for little girls. All tips she learned when she used to make me and my little sister Jillian wear ridiculous matching dresses to church. Dresses that she made. Really. I know. A Mormon thing. You wouldn't understand. These are all things my mom did before she named her dog after her favorite vodka, or maybe during, I don't know. Blurry memory I guess. Damn Vodka.

Finished Dress. Minus the knick knack/rick rack I need to place on the hem- thanks to my shitty/blunt scissors.

Yes. I know. I am one step closer to "Mother of The Year." Yes. I will accept a trophy. Or more wine. Either way.