Girls Dont Wear Pants

My daughter, Lucy, is one the of the most special people I have ever met in my life. Don't get me wrong, as a mom, she can drive me crazy. But most days, she makes me smile and laugh so hard, I almost pee my pants (thanks to pregnancy and childbirth).

The one thing about Lucy that makes her so special is her individuality. She thinks, let me rephrase- she knows she is special, beautiful, and a princess. She insists on dressing herself, everyday. She is very detailed. Her ensemble is planned and executed down the very last piece of jewelery or handbag. She loves to change her outfit throughout the day. Which makes for a disaster of a dresser and closet on most days. When I say she can change her clothes 10 times a day- I am NOT exaggerating. There are days that I drop Lucy off at preschool and I have to remind her teacher, Ms. Jessie, that Lucy dresses herself and I'M SORRY.

You need to remember that we live in Wisconsin. This means that just when you get used to the current season of weather, mother natures messes with you and the next season is knocking on the door. Lucy has a love/hate relationship with this concept. She loves new clothes, but HATES wearing pants.

This brings me to just recently. Mother Nature and Wisconsin both welcomed winter as the latest season. Winter in Wisconsin is bitter cold.  That doesn't matter to Lucy. She only wants to wear dresses. You can fight and argue with Lucy about how cold it is, tell her about snow and rain, let her look out the window- it wont change the fact, that she looks up at me, with her beautiful gray/blue eyes and says,

"Mama, I don't want to wear pants, girls don't wear pants."

I cant tell you how many times I have heard her say this. Still, I would fight with her, afraid that social services would scold me for letting her go outside in a sundress and sandals. We would fight before school and church and she would end up in tears when I made her wear something she didn't like. I would watch her slump in her car seat as we drove off, feeling like the worst mom in the world.

This drove me to research. I wanted to learn about parenting techniques to support, in a healthy way, Lucy's individuality. After all, it is one of the things that I envy about her. So, I asked friends, colleagues, and even searched the Internet.

Finally, I spoke with a colleague, someone I really respect. What she had to say, paraphrases most of what I had read in books, magazines, and even the Internet.

She said to me, "Amanda, really, what is the harm of her dressing herself. Will is affect her when she is 30 what she wore today? Don't you think if you 'feed her need, the need will go away?'"

This got me thinking. No, this wont affect her when she is 30. And no, there is no harm in letting her dress herself.

So this morning, when Lucy and I were standing in front of her closet, discussing what she would wear to school, I decided to step back. I decided to feed her need. I let Lucy dress herself, I let her pick out everything. She picked this.

Lucy wearing what she calls her "leaf dress," with polka dot tights and brown boots.

As we drove off to school this morning, something was different about Lucy. She was smiling, talkative, and excited about school. That made my heart happy. All I had to do was pack a bag of warmer clothes to take and leave at school. Since is was 32 degrees when we left the house.

My kids are my world. I want to embrace who they are as people. I want them to choose a destiny and journey that is as individual as they are. If that means letting them dress themselves, then as long as they are clean, modest, and polite- then by all means, everybody- we should all take a lesson from Lucy. We should all strive to be a little more like Lucy, caring less about what other people think and more about what is important to us and what makes each of us who we are. We are all special and beautiful, no matter what we wear, Lucy taught me that.

P.S. Ms. Jessie, there is a bag of warm winter clothes in Lucy's locker cubbie. Make sure she wears her winter coat and hat during play time. Thanks!